Day 19 & 20

I have been seriously lagging in my daily blogs. Mostly because there has not been really anything to report. I had not been feeling well the last few days and so have been doing... nothing. I started this blog so to be accountable for goals that I was setting for myself. I did pretty good for the first week, but not so much the rest of the time. I have been going to CrossFit for the most part but my eating healthy and no TV watching has not been that successful.

I have always been great at helping other people with their dreams and visions but put mine on the back shelf. Always with the thinking that I will get to them eventually. Well that time is here and what have I done with it? Nothing. I literally have done nothing the past few days. Yes I was not feeling well for a couple of them but it is more to it than that. I don't know if it is fear, self doubt or just lack of disciple when it comes to going after what I was created to do. To really step out and be me. To forget what I may look like on the outside and know I am a good person. Not just by what I do but who I truly am. Sometimes I just feel numb towards my life. Like it will never be anything more than a dream so why even try. I know what that sounds like. I know that it is NOT truth, nevertheless that is what I feel/think a good portion of the time. I am 32 years old- no kids, not married, pretty much unemployed.

Don't get me wrong there are some amazing things in life right now. I live in NYC rent free in a great area. I have some really amazing friends here and ridiculously supportive family in friends in CA. I go to a great church with some great people that I am starting to get to know. So it is not that I hate my life, its just at times I feel indifferent towards it.

I am not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me or worry about my well being. I am just trying to be open with what I have been going through. Being open and vulnerable is not an easy thing. Always affraid of what people may think if you truly let them see you. Maybe that is what this blog is truly about for me. Maybe it is teaching me to be more open, more vulnerable, more real. All these things are very important not just in life but in Acting. When you act you are all these things. That is what makes people connect to characters. To feel for them. To understand them. Maybe learning this here will help me to achieve all the dreams I have for myself. Or maybe people will just think I am mental... lol. I'm not by the way... well not all that time anyways :)

I have 10 days left on this and hope to fulfill them to the fullest of when I started. Thanks again to everyone taking this journey with me. Your comments and encouragement have been awesome!!

xoxo
Alicia